Settling can be Subtle
Sometimes we look at our lives and wonder how the heck we got there. How are we not where we thought we should be or wanted to be?
Life happens, sometimes there is another plan that we cannot even foresee much less the path of getting there (insert the notion that it’s often harder, bumpier and not as straight forward as we think we would like it to be).
I think that other times we have had a repeated pattern of settling for way less than what we really wanted or needed. This settling can be eerily subtle.
I often think it’s tied in with giving our power away. More on this later…
We settle for what I call Space Fillers, so you settle for that job until… but then you are a few years down the road working at that space filler and realizing your out of alignment in more ways than you would like to admit (hello true story for me!)
We settle for that easy meal but not the meal we really are deeply craving
We settle for that relationship and let it just be as it is instead of engaging in it as ourselves fully, desires and all.
We settle for that hand me down furniture that you are blessed to have but totally don’t like or find comfortable
We settle for what fits but doesn’t make us feel good
We settle for toxic relationships because having someone need your or having that “friend” means you are not alone, that you are worthy
It happens because we are reacting to a situation that needs to be solved now (and sometimes that is totally true, other times it just feels like an emergency) We go into that settling with every intention of getting that thing or situation we want just as soon as… But we don’t actively remind or engage in those things that will support the “thing” we ultimately want. We get used to what is bit by bit, subtly.
It can happen by giving our power away as I mentioned earlier in this post . Saying you don’t care when you do, not taking responsibility for our lives (again in subtle ways), not speaking up or speaking out when everything in you says to. By saying yes when you really mean no and vice versa.
How do we stop settling? I can’t answer that for you really it’s going to depend on you, your willingness and openness to changing that. I can however give you a few ways that you might start to notice and shift it that can apply to many situations.
- Notice it, how can you change what you are not aware of? Simply start noticing where you might be settling in your life. Free write, see what comes up. Ask yourself outright what I am I setline for in my life? (Does life feel too big then choose an area such as job, body, environment etc.)
- Decide, what area feels like the most immediate need and make a decision to start there even if with small steps
- Vision, what do you want you know this situation, thing etc. is not what you really want then what is? What does it look like, feel like etc. This is a important step otherwise you could end up with something new that you are settling for!
- Set yourself up for success. You have figured out where you are settling, decided you want something different, gotten clarity on what that different is now how can you set yourself up for success? Create actions steps (even tiny ones count) and surround yourself with reminders of what you want, how you want to feel etc. We often skip this step and it can be detrimental to our getting what we want. For example if I want to focus on my health but surround myself with junk food and not healthy options it’s unlikely that I am going to be able to get my health where I want it.
Be fierce and gentle this is your life don’t let it be a life filled with things, people and experiences that are place fillers and good enough. Let as much of it as possible be filled with those that light up your soul!
Here is to living Inspired, Creative and Empowered